Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
