Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
