2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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