Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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