she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
