So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
