the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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