There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My dick has a subreddit
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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