she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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