I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize