quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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