I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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