My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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