I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
