Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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