RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize