You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
