There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
