I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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