once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
