Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
