i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
