Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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