I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
