I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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