i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
