This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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