i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize