This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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