Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He passed out mid-signature
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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