can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
