All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
