Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
