True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
