Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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