I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
