Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
