If i come over, it means nothing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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