My liver just broke up with me...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
