I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
