i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
