sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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