Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
