Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
