I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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