Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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