Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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