I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
