Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
