I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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