When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
