you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
