That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize