Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
