living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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