Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
