I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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