Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
