I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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