So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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