I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize