Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
