Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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