I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
