If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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