I wish I could teleport
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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