The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
