This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
