sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
