Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
