So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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