Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
