Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
