hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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