D3 body, D1 cock
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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