I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
