nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
