using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize