Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
