conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
