I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize