Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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