We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
