YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I AM VODKA MAN
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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