I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
