The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
