i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
