Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
